I Was Born This Way, Baby

I'd have to describe myself as smart, funny, self-deprecating, non-douchebaggy (that's a technical term), and bitchy and judgmental in a lovable kind of way.  I'm not a religious fanatic, but I have no problem with religion or a person's right to believe in whatever she wants. I'm not a fan of people who shove their beliefs down others' throats like, "YOU EAT THIS! YOU EAT IT, AND YOU LIKE IT!" That feels like God rape, and god rape feels a little too Greek mythology for me. I like kids, but only the ones who aren't total assholes.  And if the kid is a total asshole, I know I'll never be good friends with his or her asshole parents. (Hence the reason I'm not having any luck cruising for "besties" at PTA meetings or the playground. And I may have just fibbed about attending PTA.)  I have a 9 year old son who likes to talk ALL THE TIME. This is a good example of one of our daily conversations:

I also have a 20 month old daughter. (I hate how pretentious it sounds giving the age in months, but there's a HUGE difference between a 1 year old and 2 year old, so until she hits 2, I gotta do it.)  She was planned, but her toddler days are constantly making me question what the HELL I was thinking.  She emerged from my vagina with DIVA tattooed on her soul. I wouldn't go as far as to call her a total asshole, but girlfriend knows what she wants, and I'm pretty sure it's my alpha female family status. The following pics are a good example of what 2 minutes with her at home are like:

I don't have a fuckload of friends. (I only recently discovered the word fuckload, but I enjoy it, so I use it when possible.  If it offends you, then this is probably NOT the blog for you.)  When it comes to the friends I do have, I'd do anything for them if they asked, and I'd cut a bitch if anyone talked shit about them.

My husband is a real smart-ass who cusses and farts a lot, but he's smart and loyal and makes me laugh and looks REALLY good in his uniform, so I'm happy to call him my Best Friend. With Benefits.  This is us on a recent, though seldomly occurring, date night:

No comments:

Post a Comment